Marie is a friend of mine, but also a very inspiring & empowering lady and she did a conference at Paris Web about our identities on the internet, how to craft it, how to sell ourselves without overdoing it; to be short, it was a very inspiring and beautiful conference and I’ve read the transcript (only available in french through this link) multiple times and every time I had tears in my eyes.
It made me think about being a creative, feeling like an impostor 80% of the time and not feeling like I deserve the praise I get sometimes.
I’m a self-taught web designer & front-end dev. I actually studied English and decided along the way to become a freelancer. I learnt on my own at the age of eleven. After watching Lord of The Rings, I just decided I could not not have a website on the subject, and I also wanted a blog that was not on a platform just like everyone else’s, I just wanted to craft my own. My first blog was named “Kiss Me”, very cheesy name for a eleven-year-old girl’s blog and the first design (I called it layout back then, it was the coolest thing to do!) was on Madonna. I still have the design saved somewhere, I sometime look at it to remember where I come from.
Being an INFP – highly sensitive – self-taught web designer / front-end dev feels like I’m not legitimate in what I do. I over think everything and I doubt of myself every day. I feel like I’m just lucky, lucky to have came that far, lucky to have found a full-time job in Paris, lucky that people like what I create. Am I lucky, or are they just blind? I wonder sometimes.
There’s this one thing I have never did though : I do not compare myself to others, because if I did it would completely overwhelm and crush me. Everyone’s unique and every single one of us have his/her own path and way to do things. Being jealous of someone’s accomplishments is too negative for my own soul. I try as much as possible to be positive, so no, I won’t be jealous of someone’s success or path. I just strive for my own progress.
However, feeling like an utter fraud? Every.single.day. Is this part of being a creative? I know a lot of people who feel that way. Do you sometimes feel like a fraud? Being insecure, feeling like an impostor often drives me crazy. I know I am not the only one, a lot of ‘famous’ people feel that way as well, just like some of my friends or acquaintances.
“Any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud.
I can’t possibly live up to what everyone thinks I am.”
— Emma Watson
I’m overwhelmed by the thought of not knowing enough, of not being good enough or talented enough. I know no one’s perfect and I sure am not; but I’m always striving for progress and it’s been tiring these past few weeks. But that strive makes me evolve as a creative and makes me go beyond my abilities. I want to know more, why should it be bad?
Let’s embrace it and just stop over thinking everything. You know what? We’re good enough. We deserve our jobs. We deserve the praise we get. Of course we will often feel as impostors but that feeling makes us want to be better.