Yesterday marked the one year anniversary of me living alone. For different reasons I decided to move in, on my own, in a flat in Paris.
A lot has happened in just one year, the most important part is that I grew up more than I did in the previous years. Facing life’s little obstacles on your own will do that to you. I don’t necessarily mean I was not helped by my family nor my friends. My mom can attest to that, I often called her crying and telling her it was hard. Of course it’s hard. It’s just the way it is.
One of the most important things I learnt is that I like being alone.
I adore going out at 9am on a Saturday morning, walking to my favourite places, taking pictures, going to the bookshop, reading in a café and just smiling because I am happy. Realizing that I am happy, just the way things are, is something I didn’t expect.
However things change, people evolve. In retrospect, I did a lot this past year. A whole lot. I learnt how to slowly stand up for myself, and it’s a big change. Instead of enduring stuff, situations, bad feelings; I try to confront them and let my voice be heard.
What’s wrong with being alone? I learnt (the hard way) that for people to truly love you and to have a happy/healthy relationship with them, you really should be okay and in sync with who you truly are. To do that, I had to be alone.
I do enjoy living alone, more than I ever thought I would. As a youngster (grandma speaking? lol) I thought I would not survive being alone. Sweet summer child, I was so wrong.
My main focus this past year has been giving myself the best chance in life. Succeeding, proving to myself that I can do it. That I can overcome all my little fears and anxieties. That I can be happy on my own, on my own terms.
There’s a thing I’ve always wanted to do: Travel. Everywhere in the world. However, I always stayed in my comfort zone, trying to find excuses. The main one being “I don’t want to travel alone, it’s scary”. Yes it is, but life scares me. Every little detail about life scares me. You’ve no idea how anxious I can be over the most trivial things. You’d laugh. Really.
That’s why I am doing it. I am going somewhere, abroad, alone for four days.
Wish me luck.